Why It’s My Wife’s Fault I Don’t Cook More

Or much at all, really. It took me some time to figure out why it’s her fault, but once I did, all became clear. You see, she (and her daughter, so it’s two working against one here, really) cook by making something out of whatever is in the refrigerator. When we do our weekly grocery shop, they buy items with this flexibility in mind.

I, on the other hand, plan. If I’m going to cook Burnin’ Butt Burritos, from my How It All Vegan! cookbook, then I buy the necessary ingredients while shopping. Of course, by the time Thursday arrives and I’ve psyched myself up to cook dinner for everyone (while carnivores, they do like the aforementioned BB Burritos, although lately there have been subtle hints that variety would be nice), ingredients vital to my dish have been used. How can I cook without the right ingredients?

The solution – because I’m a guy I must think of a solution; I think women are much better at accepting the insoluble – escapes me at the moment. I could bag and tag my ingredients, I suppose. That would entail taking only the amount of onion, broccoli, etc that I need immediately after grocery shopping and putting it in a separate, labelled, and preferably tamper-proof bag in the refrigerator. That’s a lot of work. I could put a Do Not Use list on the refrigerator, although I can’t imagine the compliance rate would be good. People who don’t plan aren’t going to pay attention to lists.

Why can’t everyone just plan? That, plus some spares – a few extra tomatoes and so on – should get us through the week nicely. Something must be done. I decided to make a few resolutions this year, and one of them was to make my meat-eating family at least one vegetarian meal – that they like – each week. (I’m vegetarian all the time.) How can I meet my resolution, which I happen to think is a valuable one for everyone concerned?

Solutions welcomed in the comments. Divorce is occasionally considered by both parties, but is not being seriously considered at this time.